http://yofis.org Joe's Blog Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:11:35 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Half a centimeter never seemed so far. But it was all that stood between Jess delivering the old-fashioned way and her having a C-section.  Unproductive labor is what they call it when the labor winds to a halt without a baby to show for it. And Jess had stayed stuck at 9 and a half centimeters, shy ... http://yofis.org/2010/baby-ellie/ Sarah Palin reportedly said that the Earth is only 6,000 years old. Most modern-day scientists and public-school textbooks say the Earth is around 4.6 billion years old. Is Palin's claim crazy?  As with many of life's important questions, I'd like to first look to Saturday Night Live for answers.  There is an unsettling yet hilarious SNL skit where comedian Will Ferrell, a 37-year-old hairy-chested, ... http://yofis.org/2010/is-sarah-palins-belief-about-a-young-earth-crazy/ The stomach pains hit me the week after Thanksgiving, midday, shortly after I noticed the deli-turkey sandwich I had eaten for lunch was settling about as well as if I had swallowed a mouthful of cat litter. Since my wife got pregnant, we've watched the development of our hidden baby mainly through weekly progress reports and baby-inside-the-womb illustrations emailed ... http://yofis.org/2009/tom-turkeys-revenge/ Two weeks have passed since my decision to cut coffee from my daily diet, and it has been anything but pleasant. Since then, I've discovered that I am NOT the morning person I once prided myself on being. In fact, it's best if no one talks to me before 9 a.m. I'm not a night person now, ... http://yofis.org/2009/the-new-me/ The other day, when I stuck my head out the door and called for Phoebe, our rabbit-size Chihuahua mix, she was gone. Worse than that: she'd escaped!  Soon I discovered a wee gap of missing backyard fence accessible only from under the house. An emaciated squirrel could fit through it, tops. But, upon further inspection I noticed some give in the boards framing that tiny escape hatch. Maybe ... http://yofis.org/2009/runaway-dog/ It took awhile, but I'm starting to feel perfectly at peace with stalking Easton Mall shoppers walking to their cars. Creeping out from behind a parking-lot lamp post or a strategically parked SUV, I’ll keep one eye locked on my golden ticket for a parking space, perhaps a mom and her ... http://yofis.org/2009/easton-mall-parking/ Our vacations are like living on The Shining movie set, especially the ones where we stay cooped up at home and leave our schedules wide open.  Our initial little-kid-Christmas-morning jitters from not having to work last about an hour. It is a Utopian period of unmatched courtesy and deference toward one another. "What would you like to do?" I'll say. "I ... http://yofis.org/2009/fake-laugh/   As recently as Thanksgiving, I was telling everyone, including myself, that I was 31. I'd be 32 in February. Not until I worked the math in my head and then re-confirmed it twice on the calculator did I realize--no, wait...carry the two--I'd be 33. Initially, I felt robbed. A year of my life had been smuggled, and now I ... http://yofis.org/2009/the-big-33/ From K through 5, my bus route to school was fairly uneventful. Oh, there was the usual rambunctiousness found among a bus-load of healthy elementary-school kids, packed with wild monkey energy. But there were never any harmful intentions toward anyone onboard. I always rode along, head against the window, watching the world roll peacefully by, feeling generally safe in my ... http://yofis.org/2009/bad-bus-route/ Maybe I'm getting old, but this New Year's Eve I was in bed before the ball even dropped. I hadn't planned it this way. Jess and I started out with dinner and a movie, prepping ourselves for the proper ringing in of the new year. By ten o'clock we were back home, as planned, watching Dick Clark's Rockin' ... http://yofis.org/2009/new-years-eve-aint-what-it-used-to-be/